The Things You Keep

The things you keep after a break up are not physical. They’re not the teddy bear he gave you when he went to that amusement park with his friends. They’re not the earrings you got for your 4th anniversary or the mix CD you that you tried really hard to not read into.

These are not the things that you keep. The things that you keep are a love for Bob Dylan. You keep that feeling you get when you hear the song he sang in your ear before you fell asleep. You’ll find yourself picking up a book of Bukowski poems in a bookstore and never wanting to let them go. You keep the idea that you matter. You keep the part of you that screams “I am worthy.”

The things you lose after a break up are not physical. You lose things like the desire to watch Vietnam-era war movies. Platoon will come on the television and you’ll lose the need to watch it for the eighth time. You lose the immediate impulse to put yourself second. You lose that feeling you got after the fight that was almost the end. You lose the idea that you weren’t worthy or good enough to keep it going. You lose that person you were with him; a girl you would not recognize.

The thing you keep after a breakup is not physical. The thing you keep after a breakup is yourself.

 

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One Response to The Things You Keep

  1. Devin Parker says:

    I don’t even know you – I came across your blog as the result of a late-night string of Google searches that started with the cast list of “Time Bandits”, of all things – but I’m sorry for your pain. It comes across through your words, though so does your sense of hope. I’ve lived in Los Angeles (North Hollywood), have a brother who worked hard but unsuccessfully for a long time to get into an acting career there, and I’ve had heartbreak that never seemed to let go…especially sucky at this time of year. Weird to make connections like that to someone I’ve never met and likely never will. So for what it’s worth, my condolences.

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